Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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