this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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