just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she looked like the before picture.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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