I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This baby is an asshole
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
