Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
