I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
