When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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