Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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