Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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