hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
