your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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