I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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