I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
