can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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