I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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