I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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