Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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