he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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