Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's shark week go big or go home
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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