I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
