am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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