Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
