We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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