Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I will be naked everywhere
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
