The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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