i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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