Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
