Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
