he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize