I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
