i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
