new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
