she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
false alarm, still single
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