My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
