I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
