Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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