last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have tasted many bathrooms
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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