Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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