Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
