Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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