smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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