Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
