I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
