How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
