I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
