umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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