my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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