i permit you to call me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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