and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
