You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She told me I should be a condom model.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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