Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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