I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
