What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
