After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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