o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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