Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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