Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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