You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
