New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
