So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
