And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
