another moral hangover. fuck.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
