It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize