Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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