The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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