having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
