Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Houston, we have a squirter
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
